Osama bin Laden and Veerappan are one and the same personby Ramesh Mahadevan A bizarre twist was added yesterday to the already intriguing saga of two of the most wanted criminals of modern times, when a woman, identified only as Parvati Devi Ladenwali claimed to be the mother of both of them. She met with reporters yesterday at the Bandipur Forest Hilton Resorts and the interview was simultaneously videoconferenced at the Kandahar Sheraton Hotel. Exclusive excerpts: When asked how anybody could make such a preposterous claim, the woman interjected “I am the mother. I should know. Besides, have you ever seen them together?” She continued. “It was all a terrible bureaucratic error. My son was filling up forms for Dual Citizenship in a ‘buy one, get one free’ deal when he got confused between ‘Saudi’ and ‘Southy’ and since then he has been leading this double life. Sometimes Osama, sometimes Veerappan, Kabhi khushi, kabhi gam,” in an obvious reference to Amitabh Bachchan’s latest movie. “Isn’t it very difficult to transform from Osama to Veerappan and back?” “It used to be very difficult. But now he is used to it. All he has to do is to wrap his beard around, into another knot on his mustache. Bingo, even I cannot tell. Of course, this takes a huge toll on his life. He is probably the only person in the world who eats masala dosa with Kabuli Chana…” ; “Didn’t your family seek any medical advise on your son’s strange affliction?” “Yes, of course, Lord knows we tried. A psychiatrist counseled him day and night and suggested useful things like how to cut a book and movie deal, how to escape legal proceedings. But everything stopped on the ninth day when the doctor escaped captivity…” “When did your family notice that there was something different about your sons?” “Oh, real early indeed. We noticed lush facial hair growth even when our son was just a year old. He was very different from the other kids. When parents of other kids in the neighborhood started complaining to us about their kids dying, you know how annoying some of the parents can be – that was when we found out that our baby has been buying real guns with our gift money. He was really good at playing ‘Hide and seek’ and when he played sports, he truly had the killer instinct…” “Any ideas where your son may be these days, madam?” “I wish I knew. You can only imagine my agony. I was told that he was recruited by an Indian Software Body shop and sent to the USA – you see the skill sets are very similar and he even emailed me that the modern office buildings with confusing mazes and cubes reminded him of the Afghan caves. His Veerappan personality wasn’t very happy with the modern American rat race and so he had to keep some stuffed animals in his cube. Of course, he first to kill them and then stuff them…” “And why have you chosen this time to come out with your story?” “You see, the world economy has slowed so much already. I don’t want two separate reward money to be offered by two governments, draining so much of needed resources. You reporters are so biased that you probably didn’t notice that I offered my own reward on top of those millions of dollars – you see, my son, playful as he is, he hid my dentures somewhere and I have been looking for them for months now… I need to find him more than all those governments put together.” “Isn’t international travel a big problem for someone like Osama, er… Veerappan?” “Yes, yes. Tell me about it. Those days he could commandeer his own planes. But now, it kills him. They always misspell his name or give him the wrong type of meal. And besides, his frequent flyer miles get shared between his two accounts, Osama and Veerappan…” “No, no. I mean, how does he get past the security?” “That is a breeze. He always tells them no one unknown to him has given him any package to carry. Besides, I never pack any spices. So, they always let him go.” “Do you have any final words for your son, madam?” “Yes, I do have a final plea, as a mother of my son, rather sons – please, please give up your dangerous living. You are under so much stress, you don’t eat regularly. You don’t sleep regularly. You have no social and personal life. You get blamed for everything going wrong in this world. You don’t know what will happen to you tomorrow. It is just not worth it. Give up your job as a Software Developer…” |