Don't Look At Dead Cats!by Ramesh Mahadevan "Kalu, son, never look at a dead cat." I remember my stepfather telling me once. "It always brings bad luck. Always." And stupid me! I had to look at it. I saw it in the alley, lying grotesquely on a garbage heap. No wonder today turned out to be the baddest day of my life! It is all the fault of that cursed dead cat. The sight of the dead cat terrified me. I quickly turned around and started running. And I stopped only when I reached Ram Sevak's dhaba, which is where I worked and slept. Yes, I sleep in the storeroom, the room right at the back of the dhaba. A few years back, when I had just arrived from my village, I used to be very scared of sleeping there by myself, with all those rats running around all night. But now I am okay with the rats. I keep all my things -- even my collection of marbles -- in the same room, in the corner by the spice shelf. Ram Sevak and Gowri Shankar, being big guys, simply push aside the dinner tables in the main area and plunk down to sleep. Sometimes when I lay awake in the nights thinking about my mother and stepfather, I would hear them snore like pigs and promptly tease them about it all day the next day. I couldn't wait to tell Ram Sevak and Gowri Shankar about the dead cat. But then, when I entered the dhaba, both of them were already quite busy, getting the place ready for lunch. Gowri Shankar was furiously chopping vegetables on the side and Ram Sevak was giving finishing touches to his cooking -- I could barely see him behind a cloud of smoke -- when all of a sudden, his head popped out from above the smoke. Oh, no! He is going to yell at me! "Where have you been, you little bastard? Why do you take two hours to do a simple thing like buying salt? Get your ass back in here and start working. Now! Customers have already arrived...” Duh dah, duh dah duh dah. Now I better hurry up and concentrate on my chores or Ram Sevak is going to scold me for the rest of the day. I grabbed the rag cloth and disappeared from his earshot. But I could not concentrate. The image of that dead cat was still haunting me, even as I scooped up the garbage from near Gowri Shankar. "Gowri Shankar, I saw a dead cat in the alley." "Oh, yeah?" was his only response, as if it didn't matter a squat. But then, Gowri Shankar is always like that. He never spoke much. Almost not at all. No wonder Ram Sevak likes him a lot. I talk too much and that's why Ram Sevak always picks on me... Gowri is about three or four years older than me and that makes him, oh, nineteen or twenty, because I am fifteen years old. He is old enough that Ram Sevak sends him to the bazaar. Why, he even lets Gowri make chai and chappatis when it gets hectic in the dhaba. Maybe when I get to be Gowri's age, Ram Sevak will let me do all this too. "Ram Sevak, I saw a...” "I heard you the first time, you short moron. Now stop blithering about dead cats. We are running a restaurant here, for heaven's sake! Don't drive away our customers. And remember, today is Mahashivratri and we are not even cooking meat today. So, no more talk about cats and rats. Shut your fat mouth and get on with your job." He came up to me and gave a powerful blow to the back of my head. Ouch! He has been doing this too often these days. It hurts! I was stunned, as if lightning struck me or something. I didn't like him abusing me like this every day. "Why are you hitting me like this? It is painful." "Very good. That's the idea. Maybe a whack every now and then will straighten you out." I scratched my head in disgust.
I looked around the dhaba. Only two tables were occupied. The closer table had two guys -- and I named them Beardo and Big Guy -- we always give nicknames to our customers. The farther table had what looked like two college students. I remember seeing them walk in when I got back. I gave them names too -- Red Kurta and Black Shirt. Kalu, two glasses of water for Beardo and the Big Guy. Clean the table and then get two glasses of water for our student customers. Wait a minute! Mahashivratri? Suddenly a light bulb switched on inside me. Today was the day they had that big mela on the banks of the Gomti river! Supposed to be the biggest mela ever in Lucknow. I walked up to the kitchen. "Ram Sevak, do you remember we talked about the mela? It is happening today. I told you I would like to go and have a good time." "We will see about it, Pig-mouth." "I promise you I will spend only a couple of hours there and come back promptly." "The last time you went to the mela, you were gone all night and you didn't even remember your way back to the dhaba." "But I am going with Jaggu Bhaiyya this time... I won't get lost," I defended myself. "Ram Sevak, I also want you to give me ten rupees out of my money...You still have two hundred and fifty rupees of mine..." "Let me think about it, little devil. And who the hell is Jaggu?" "Jaggu works in that restaurant by Leela Cinema." "Today being Shivratri, we will get a lot of customers all through the night. If the customer traffic slacks off after midnight, then maybe I will let you go. Now, let's not waste time chitchatting here. Go and take care of the customers." "After midnight? Most of the nautankis and story-telling will be over by then." "Don't nag me, you short fool. What's the big deal with this mela? Gowri Shankar doesn't want to go. I don't want to go. Maybe I can give you a day off tomorrow and you can go to the zoo or something. There you can also meet your relatives in the monkey cage." Ha ha ha. You think it is funny? Not at all. In fact, you are making me angry, Ram Sevak. "Why are you still standing there, you son of a dumb fool? Go and find out if those two gentlemen want onion and garlic garnish in their daal. Did you keep water at the other table? I am going to beat the dickens out of you."
I hate you, Ram Sevak. First the cat and now you. Both of you are ruining my day. I hate you, dead cat. I dragged my feet and unwillingly walked up to the table. The Beardo and the Big Guy were busy talking. I could hear snippets of their conversation. "That motorcycle was worth nothing," the Beardo was telling the Big Guy. Who cares, fatso! "You sit on it and crank up the engine, it is like a hundred buffaloes farting," Big Guy to the Beardo. A hundred buffaloes farting? That sounded hilarious. I turned around and let go a chuckle, even though I was quite angry. The Beardo actually noticed it and winked at me. "Our hero is amused." He turned to me. "Kiddo, Is our food coming or not?" "Coming right out, saab." I said with a sheepish grin. Coming right out? No way, Beardo! I always have to say these things to cool off our customers. Damn lies! Ram Sevak is only now mixing horse manure in your subzi. Give him a few hours! Next, I went over to the other table and was about to keep a couple of glasses of water, when Red Kurta started to shout at me. "Why are you sticking all your fingers in the water? How can we drink it?" "Sorry saab. I didn't mean to..." "Leave those dirty glasses here on the table and get water in new glasses. This time around, don't dip your fat fingers inside.". "Yaar, Naresh. don't get too angry at such small things! You have had a horrible day. And you have also been smoking too much...” said Black Shirt to Red Kurta. "What can I do, yaar. I am under so much tension today. I didn't think I would lose so badly in this Students' election. I hate everything. I want to be alone. That's why I sent away the other guys to the other restaurant. I just want to be alone...I hate to lose..." "That's okay, yaar. It is only an interim Student Body election. The real elections are only in October." "It's all because of those Muslims. I hate them. They voted as a block for the other guy." "Yes, there I agree with you, yaar. They should be taught a lesson. They behave like the Nawabs of Avadh are still ruling Lucknow." "Now, why are you hanging around here and listening to our conversation?" the Red Kurta was shouting at me again! "No saab, I was going to clean the table..." I don't like customers who yell and scream. Me and Gowri Shankar always call them Firecrackers. Mr. Red Kurta, you think you had a terrible day? I too am having a bad day, thanks to the dead cat. Why is everybody playing kabbadi with me today?
"Ram Sevak, can I go to the mela, please?" "Did they want onion in their daal or not?" "They said they wanted it. Actually I forgot what they said. I will go and ask them again. You didn't answer my question." 'I said no, no, no. Absolutely not. You are not going anywhere." "Why not?" "Because you are a goofball and you don't do anything right the first time. And you aggravate me. You don't deserve anything. You disobey me and don't even find out if our customers want tadka in their daal or not." "Ram Sevak, I am only asking for my free time and my money." "What money? I don't have any of your money." "The two hundred and fifty rupees." "Says who? I have zero rupees of yours. Now don't waste my time.'" Another vicious tap to my head. Why is this stupid Ram Sevak so mean and unreasonable?
Time to serve some more water to the customers. "I have an idea. I am going to contact MLA Gangaram's goonda who operates from the Charbagh area. We should burn down at least two or three Muslim students' houses..." Red Kurta to Black Shirt. "Which Goonda, Kalyan Dada?" Black Shirt. "Arre lazy kid, when is our food going to come? Tomorrow? We don't have all day. Do we always have to scream at this place to get our stuff?" Red Kurta was shouting at me again. I kind of ignored him and tiptoed to the next table with some more water. "I went to Unnao on Sunday to order the sand and gravel." Big Guy to Beardo. "How much did it cost you?" Beardo to Big Guy.
"Shorty, you kept the wrong order at the wrong table, didn't you?" Ram Sevak, angry at me, again. "Are you really this dumb or are you doing this just to annoy me? You are single-handedly destroying my business. You dropped the entire basketful of vegetables this morning all over the kitchen floor..." "But I picked each one of them up." "Shut up. One more mistake, I am going to fire you." I felt really stupid and miserable. Why am I always making trouble? I just blew whatever little chance I had of going to the mela. I probably deserved this punishment. Maybe it is all because I saw this stupid dead cat. I was in such a terrible mood that I didn't utter a single word as I went about bringing food to the customers. But then, wait a minute! It wasn't as if I caused any major screw-ups to the dhaba. I should be allowed to go to the mela! After all, it comes only once in a year.
"Ram Sevak, you remember that old, red bucket? I am going to wash it and clean it thoroughly." "Very good." "And after I am done with it, I am going to mop the store room floor. It is very dirty and sticky." "Excellent. Go for it, boy." "Then, I will peel the onions in that basket..." "Wonderful... But even then you are not going to the mela..." "Why not?" "Because I am saying so." "You said I could go after midnight? Most of our customers should be gone by then. Even on regular days, it is not as if we are swamped by customers..." "That's because you scare them away, you nincompoop."
"There won't be any police problems or anything?" Black Shirt to Red Kurta.. "No, no. These guys are professional hit men. Even if there is a problem, our fellows will rally to our support. Just wait till Monday. These bastards are going to pay for it." "How come you didn't bring lime with my daal? Why do I have to say everything twice? You are the most incompetent waiter I have ever seen." This time it was the Black Shirt's turn to yell at me. "I will bring it right away, saab." I will get the lime right away and squeeze it in your eyes! Any more nasty comments from you, I am going to spit in your chai. Fuming and trembling, I wandered over to the other table. "I will have to get the place ready for my niece's wedding." Beardo. "When is the wedding?" Big Guy.
I usually carry a fully loaded tray of chai with total ease. Eight glasses, ten glasses -- you pile them on, it doesn't matter. But today, with just two glasses of tea, I was walking gingerly, as if I was on a tightrope. I have already had enough foul-ups today. No more pratfalls or spills or glasses breaking -- no sir! I inched my way up to the Beardo and the Big Guy's table. "Saab, chai gawa," I announced. They grabbed it. And started sipping it. I stood a little distance away. "Arre, Cartoon, come here." The Beardo was summoning me! I gave a fake smile again. "You are amused, eh? You have been standing there and listening to all our conversations. All our funny anecdotes, right?" "No, saab, I don't do that… maybe only bits and pieces." "What bits and pieces?" "Like the time you said Muslims are bad and that they should be taught a lesson..." "We said that?" The Big Guy intervened, looking very surprised. But the Beardo asked him to hush. I smelled trouble. "Go on, boy. What else did you hear?" I hesitated a bit. And then proceeded. "...and you said you were going to contact the MLA and have his goondas burn down a few Muslim houses... I don't know saab. Maybe you didn't say this. Those students probably said all this. I don't remember anything any more..." The Beardo shook me. "Listen kid, we are Muslims ourselves and we ought to know everything. Go on, tell us..." "No, Janaab. I didn't hear anything. I don't talk badly about anyone. My stepfather -- his name is Mannu Lal -- he works as a gardener in that big house in our village. He always said that you shouldn't speak badly of Muslims or anyone. I even have a Muslim boy as a friend. His name is Bismillah, he lives in that jhopdi at the mohalla to the east of the river..." "Don't beat around the bush. Did they mention which MLA or which houses they were going to torch?" Now I was truly petrified. I stared blankly. "I don't know Saab. Even when Ram Sevak occasionally said bad things about Muslims, I used to think that maybe he shouldn't say such things..." "Who the hell is Ram Sevak?" the Big Guy asked. "Janaab, he is our boss. He is the one who cooks and collects money..." Even before I could finish my sentence, the Beardo had already got off his seat and walked up to the two students. He caught the small guy by his collar and shook him up -- so much so, his cigarette fell out of his mouth. The student with glasses quickly sensed trouble and just ran out. "I heard you guys are planning some mischief here -- about gutting down some Muslim's homes." There was real fear in the student's eyes. But he was defiant. "Yes, We will avenge all the Muslims... I see that you guys are Muslims too. Why don't you all go to Pakistan?" The Beardo gave him a slap. "And why don't you all pack your langots and go to the Himalayas?" Another slap. "I am warning you. I have a whole bunch of my friends right here -- eating in the next dhaba. If you touch me, you are both dead meat. Your women will..." And then another slap. The commotion was loud enough for Ram Sevak to come out of the kitchen. He tried to get between them and intervene. "Arre saab, why this maaraa maari? Please stop it." Now it is the turn of the Big Guy to attack Ram Sevak. "Abhey, saale, You have set up shop in the middle of Ameenabad and you have the temerity to talk badly of Muslims?" A tight left hook on Ram Sevak's cheek. "Nahin, hosur. I never said such things. Believe me..." It was at that point I saw Gowri Shankar run away. The next minute, some eight or ten other students came in and there was a huge free for all. Somehow, Ram Sevak managed to get out of the fracas and bolted away too. I must have been totally dumb, because I merely ran across the street and still kept watching the melee -- until the fire! I have no idea who lit it, but the whole dhaba went up in flames! Gosh! Everything is gone! My thaila, my kambal, my other trousers -- damn the dead cat! My collection of marbles and perhaps even my two hundred and fifty rupees! The heat of the fire was getting to me. I ran from that place!
Then what? I walked all over Hazratganj -- up and down the M. G. Marg -- like a mad man. Totally frightened and confused. And desperately hoping to meet someone -- just about anyone with whom I was half-familiar. People at Jaggu's restaurant told me that he had left the place some three months ago. Dejected, I started walking randomly. I even stopped by at wayside dhabas and asked around for work. Nobody wanted me. Finally, it was almost a miracle when I ran into Kishan Kaka. I begged and begged him to let me stay with him for a few days and he flat out refused. But he did give me five rupees and suggested that I go back to my village for a few days -- back to my mother and stepfather. Sounded like a good idea to me. It was very dark by the time I reached the railway station. The city was pretty much deserted along the way and I could hear police sirens. There was even smoke coming out of a lot of places. There were so many trains in the station that I really had to ask five people for the right train that stopped at Badripur. That's how I am sitting in the Howrah Mail now, going home. It will be quite a surprise for mother and stepfather... I feel a little bad about traveling without a ticket. My stepfather always said, "Kalu, son. Whatever else you do, do not travel in trains without a ticket." But what can I do? I only have five rupees. That would be barely enough for the bus fare from Badripur to our village... The train is picking up speed. It is pitch dark inside the compartment. Even though it is crowded, hardly anybody is talking. The only sound I can hear is the relentless dedank dedank of the train. What a day I had! Phew! I wish I hadn't seen the dead cat. Hopefully they will haul it away tomorrow. And I really hope I don't fall asleep and miss my station. Keep awake, Kalu, it is Mahashivratri today ! The entire world will be awake today. The old man sitting across me did promise to tell me when Badripur came. I hope the son of a ticket examiner does not come and catch me. I don't know why, but I am scared and restless. Somebody talk, please! "Did anybody go to that big mela by the Gomti river?" I myself break the silence finally. There is a long pause. And then, the old man across my seat starts to speak up. "They cancelled that mela, son. There is a huge Hindu-Muslim riot in the city and they have even imposed a curfew. Didn't you know this? There is police everywhere. Where have you been, boy?" |